To Disappear (a short story--unedited)

Note: This story is a different style to what I usually write, and thus took a lot longer and may not make a lot of sense. I have tried to put things together properly, however it was quite difficult and I'm sure that there may be parts that are (or even the entire story may be) hard to understand. Sorry about this. I hope that you will be able to interpret the theme and ideas behind it.

Please feel free to express any improvements that could be made, point out things that you weren't able to follow or comprehend, and just give feedback in general. (Also note that it has not been edited--I only just finished writing it.)

As always, constructive criticism is welcomed and appreciated.


“It's a boat!”
“Yes, it is a boat. But how do you spell boat?”
“Uh...Um...” Ben thought for a moment. “B...o...t?” Some kids sitting next to him giggled between themselves. He went bright red.
Mr. James frowned. “No, that's not it.” Ben's shoulders sunk low. “But it's almost right,” He encouraged. “Try again.”
The classroom went quiet.
“B...b...o...t...” Ben grew even more embarrassed. As the silence lengthened, some of the other kids started to snicker at him.
He simply wanted to crawl into a hole and hide.

“Move it!” A boy who was slightly younger than Ben, but taller, pulled him down from the first step as he was getting onto the bus. He fell, grazing his elbow on the concrete. Everyone around him started laughing. He stood up, then, after everyone else near him was on the bus, he got on and sat in the seat right at the front. As the bus pulled out on to the road, Ben's mind drifted, as he slowly withdrew into himself.

-----

Ben dribbled the ball up the court and shot at the basket. The ball whooshed through without hitting the backboard. He ran to the ball, picked it up and started dribbling it back down the court to shoot again. He decided to shoot from the halfway line and aimed, shot, and got an easy three-pointer. As he ran back up to collect the ball, a voice called out from the stands.
“Oh, stop showing off already, Ben!”
Reaching the ball, Ben picked it up and whirled around. “Hey, I can't help it if I'm so good,” He shrugged, “I guess that's just how I am.”
With a smile on his face, the boy rolled his eyes and ran down to Ben.
“What you up to, Ed?” Ben asked as they clapped each other on the back.
“Aw, not much. Was just wandering by and thought I would stop and watch for a while.”
“How long you been up there for?”
“Long enough to decide to come down here and put a stop to this. Your ego is getting bit too big. Thought I would come pull it back down.”
“That right? Show me, then.” Ben turned and shot the ball through the hoop, about 20 metres away.
“You're on.” Ed ran down to grab the ball and dribble it back up the court a little.
“Keep going...”
After three perfect shots, Ben said “Not bad, but I noticed that they were all inside the halfway line.”
“How about some one-on-one then, bro?”
“Okay. First to 30?”
Ed nodded in response. About 15 minutes later, Ben scored a three-pointer, taking the game at 30-27.
“Fine. I'll say it,” Said Ed, noticing the huge grin on Ben's face, “You're better. This time. I'm a little unfit at the moment, you know.”
“Haha as if. You say that every time.”
“Yeah...hey, I better go home, aye, mate. Mum'll be annoyed if I turn up late for tea again.”
“See you around.”
“Yeah.”
Ben shot a few more hoops, then decided that he had had enough for the day and was just picking up his bag to start heading home when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He spun around.

-----

“This is your stop, isn't it?” The girl sitting behind him on the bus asked.
Snapping back to reality, Ben looked out the window and quickly jumped up and ran off the bus.
“Looser!” He heard a boy yell out the window as the bus drove on down the road.
He took a deep breath and sighed loudly. Why did everyone have to pick on him all the time? He had never had any friends before. No one wants to be friends with dumb kids. Or retards, as most people called him. He was what you call a “slow learner”.
The girl on the bus was probably the first person to ever talk nicely to him before, and without calling him names. He had never seen her until recently, when she started coming on the bus. She always sat alone, and had never come up to him or talked to him until this afternoon. All he knew about her was that she was a year above him. He knew that because he had seen her sitting in class one day when he walked past the window. When she spoke to him as if he was just another person, he was so amazed that he forgot to say anything at all to her.
Arriving at the steps to his house he took his shoes off and went inside. Upstairs in his room he dumped his bag on the ground and got changed out of his school uniform.
“Mum!” He walked out of his room and checked around upstairs for her. Seeing no sign, he went down the stairs and called out again. “Mum! Where are you?”
Confused, he went to the kitchen and looked around in the pantry for something to eat. Finding some cake, he put a piece on a plate and walked into the dinning room to sit at the table.
On the table he spotted the pad that that usually lived next to the phone. He picked it up to put it back where it was supposed to be, but then noticed a note written on it.

Ben,
In town. Be back soon. Have some cake and do your homework.
See you soon,
Love Mum xxx

He had to read over it carefully a few times, picking up key words that he knew before he could understand what it meant. When his cake was finished he put the plate on the bench and went upstairs to get his homework. Sitting back down at the table, Ben put his homework down and suddenly freaked. He had never done his homework by himself before. Mum or Dad had always sat next to him and helped him with it. He couldn't do it by himself...
So he waited, staring at the wall, while his mind focused on another world altogether.

-----

A car pulled into the driveway. Ben jumped up and ran to the window to see who it was. The driver door opened and one of his best friends, Ed, climbed out and walked around to the front of the house after locking the car. The fact that Ed didn't have a license (as he was too young to have one) barely crossed his mind—Ed knew how to drive. He had never driven on the road before, but it didn't seem at all odd to Ben that he had driven over.
“Heya, Ed!” Ben said when he saw his mate walk in the door.
“Hey.”
“You bring the stuff?”
“Sure did.” Ben noticed that Ed had a bag slung over his shoulder, and watched as he walked into the lounge and put the bag down. “Your mum isn't home, is she?”
“No.”
Ed unzipped the bag and pulled out some cables and then a new gaming console that he had just got for his birthday. “Pretty sweet, aye?”
“Yeah.”
Soon Ed had finished setting up the console and they spent the next few hours battling away at all sorts of games. When tea time approached, Ed packed it all up and went home.
Alone again, Ben walked into the kitchen to get a drink, then went into the lounge and watched some TV.
A car pulled into the driveway. He heard footsteps crunching on the gravel and walking up the steps, then the door opened and someone came inside.

-----

“Ben?” The voice was his mother's. “I'm home.”
Ben heard her walk through the kitchen and into the dinning room.
“What are you doing, Ben?”
He blinked a few times and turned around in his seat. “Waiting for you,” he answered.
She walked up to him and looked over his shoulder at his homework. “Why haven't you done anything?”
“You weren't here.”
“But I told you to start by yourself!”
“I can't.”
“What do you mean you can't?”
“I don't know how to do it by myself. You need to help me.”
“Ben!” she exclaimed, “Please! For once can't you just do something by yourself? Why do you need me to help you with everything? You need to grow up, learn to do things independently!”
A confused look spread across Ben's face. “But...”
His mum turned around and walked back into the kitchen. Banging cupboard doors, pots and generally thumping around, she began to make dinner. Things then quietened down in the kitchen as his mum started to relax a little.
“I don't understand...” Ben whispered to himself, “Mum doesn't say those things...everyone else does...but not mum. Mum never does.”
Overhearing this, his mum took a deep breath and walked back in, pulled a chair out from the table and sat next to him. “Look, Ben, I'm sorry. I didn't mean all that. I was just tired and frustrated, and...I don't know. Sorry.” She put a hand under his chin and lifted up his head so he was looking at her. “Forgive me?” She asked.
He nodded.
“All right, let's look at this homework of yours.”

-----

It was midnight. The house was silent except for Ben's quiet sobs, muffled by the sheets and blankets under which he lay. He was wet with sweat, as the sheets were pulled over his head, but he barely noticed.
After almost two hours with his mum, he had finally finished his homework. The whole time his mum had been nagging at him to work quicker, because she needed to get dinner ready and he was holding her up. He really did try, but his mind kept drifting and he struggled to focus on his work.
It seemed to Ben that, more and more, everyone was getting annoyed with him. He tried to do better, but it wasn't good enough.
His dad had arrived home, tired and hungry, just as he was finishing his homework. It didn't take long for his dad to get annoyed with him, either. Mum hadn't started cooking dinner yet because he had taken so long with his homework. His parents had argued, and it was all his fault.
Lying awake in the middle of the night, Ben was crying. Not for himself, but for what he had caused. He seemed to mess everything up, and make everyone angry. If it wasn't for him, everyone, especially his parents, would be a lot happier. No one would ever miss him.

-----

“For overall excellence in all areas throughout the term, this award goes to Ben.”
Everyone started clapping as Ben, slightly embarrassed, with a grin on his face, stood up and walked to the front of the classroom to get his certificate. Looking around the room he saw all of his classmates and their parents, gathered here on the last day of the term for their class awards. His parents were near the back, with huge smiles on their faces, very proud of their son. Ben's grin grew even bigger.
When Mr. James had finished with the last of the awards, the line of kids fell apart as they moved back to their spots on the carpet. Ed whispered “Congratulations!” to Ben as he sat back down next to him.
“Thanks,” Ben whispered back.
A few minutes later it was over and all the kids went to see their parents, congratulations and consolations exchanged. Ben, his mum and his dad had a huge hug.
“We're so proud of you, Ben...”

-----

“Ben...Ben...Ben...”
He looked around. Everyone had disappeared. Turning back, his parents were no longer there, either.
“Where is everyone?” he whispered.
They ran away. Away from you. Away from the trouble you brought them.
“No.”
Yes. They are fed up with you.
“NO! My parents love me. They wouldn't run.”
But they did. They did run. You were nothing but unwanted trouble to them.
“Bu--”
RETARD! That's all you are. You know it. They know it. There's no point denying it.
He stood still, in silence, frightened.
Frightened? With good reason, too. They all hate you.
“They ran away.”
Yes.
“They don't like me.” Ben's voice was breaking.
That's right.
“They...they...hate...” He faltered; fell apart completely. Dropping to the ground he wailed as he realised how useless, worthless, he truly was. The world wouldn't miss him.
“What...what should I do?”
Do? Do? Run away! Take your problems with you. The world will be better off if you simply disappear.
“Disappear. I should disappear.”
Yes...Disappear. Leave everyone behind and disappear forever.

-----

“Ben...Ben...Ben...”
Someone was leaning over him, shaking his shoulders. He bolted upright. The person stumbled back and fell over, crying out.
Opening his eyes, the world was black. He blinked. Again. Still black. The digital clock on the shelf read 2:27AM.
Ben was soaking wet. Whether it was entirely sweat or not he didn't know.
“What happened, Ben?” his mother's voice asked from the ground next to him.
“Mum?”
The figure picked itself up and knelt beside the bed. “What happened? You were groaning loudly...you woke us up. I was worried. Did you have a bad dream?”
“Bad dream...yes...It was scary, mum,” Ben's voice quivered and he started shaking.
“What was it about?” asked his mum softly.
He violently shook his head and his mum wrapped her arms around him. They sat their together for a long time, Ben sobbing while his mum whispered reassurances in his ear and rubbed his back.
Eventually he fell asleep in his mum's arms and she lay him down again, pulled the covers over him and kissed him on the forehead. “Good night, Ben. Sweet dreams.”

-----

Kids pushed and shoved each other as they fought to get to their bags and their morning tea before everyone else. Ben stood to the side and waited until everyone was gone before he moved to his own bag to get his food out. As he walked outside to sit down and eat, some of the usual bullies, who seemed intent to make Ben's life miserable whenever possible, happened to be around the door when he walked through.
“Hey, jerk, what have you brought for me to eat today?” The boy pushed himself away from the wall he was leaning on and grabbed the packet of chips from Ben's hand. He opened it and put a chip in his mouth. “Gross. Salt and Vinegar.” He spat it out on the ground and tipped the packet upside down, the chips falling on the ground. After crushing them with his foot he looked back to Ben, who was just standing there, staring. “Well, what are you waiting for? Go get something else.” When Ben didn't move, he and his mates walked inside, leaving him alone.
Hungry, Ben decided to go back inside. His bag was lying on the ground with all his stuff tipped out, and his lunch box was empty. After he had picked up all his stuff and hung the bag back on the hook, he sat on the ground, leaning against the wall, and started to cry.

Something moved in the shadows. Ben sensed it and looked up. Not seeing anyone or anything, he called out, “Is anyone there?”
Silence.
He was just about to stand up to see what it was when the shadow moved, leaving the area in full daylight. It then occurred to him that there should never have been a shadow there—the whole side of the room was in full sunlight.
“What...?”
The shadow moved towards him and enveloped him in darkness.
“Help!” he screamed.
They can't hear you, you pathetic little boy.
He recognised the voice immediately. It was the same one that had haunted him in his dreams the night before.
“Go away!” he shouted.
Go away? Yes indeed—why haven't you gone away?
“Me?”
Yes you imbecile. We decided last night you were going to go away, didn't we?
Ben said nothing.
Well, what have you got to say? You've seen it again—everyone hates you. They don't care about you. It will be better for you and everyone else if you run away.
He listened, but still said nothing. His head started nodding slowly.
Ah. You are beginning to understand now. No one wants you around, that is why they pick on you. If you are no longer around they will be much happier. Even your parents will be happier. You want your parents to be happy, don't you?
More than anything did Ben want this. They were arguing all the time recently. It was his fault. If he wasn't there they would be happy.
That's right. And you won't have to be picked on any more, either. These people won't be around to do it. You will be much better off.
“How?”
It's easy. Run. Run away. Disappear. No one will find you. No one can bully you. Everything will be much better. Don't you see? It's easy.
It was all starting to make sense to Ben now. He had finally found the answer. A way to make everything better. To escape this cruel world where those who fall down are trampled on and left behind. All he had to do was disappear.
The shadow left. Ben was blinded by the sudden light. He blinked a few times until his eyes had readjusted to the daylight. Then he stood up and went to the toilets to wash his face. Looking at himself in the mirror, he saw an unfamiliar look on his face. One of determination. His look and posture said he was going to go his own way for a change. No one would tell him differently.
Yet, on the inside he knew he was the same little boy, who was secretly terrified of what he was going to do after school. He let out a deep sigh, and went back outside.
For the rest of the day he planned out many ways he could go about the task before him. Finally, by the end of lunch time, he had a plan.
A plan to disappear.

-----

The lecturer paced backwards and forwards at the front of the auditorium. Much of his audience had bored expressions on their faces, while others followed him with their eyes, listening intently—ears pricked up, bodies leaning forward, not wanting to miss a single word.
“Can anyone tell me what this is?” he asked, as he placed an x-ray on the OHP and turned it on.
Ben's hand shot up from where he was sitting in a row near the middle.
“Yes, Ben?”
“It's a right wrist bone, with several fractures at the top and to the side--”
“Could you come here and point them out for us?”

-----

“Ben? Could you come here and point them out for us?”
Ben jumped up and then froze. Slowly he made his way to the front, then stopped and stood there, staring at the class. Mr. James gave him a whiteboard marker and said “Mark them with a tick.”
Turning towards the board, Ben saw many pictures of all sorts of different creatures. Not knowing what he was supposed to be doing, he hesitated, then lifted his hand up and ticked a random insect. The whole class started laughing. Quickly, he ticked several more and went to the back of the room, sitting down behind everyone else to avoid their looks.
Mr. James was at a loss for words. Even for Ben this behaviour was shocking.

-----

“...Ben has worked hard this year, achieving at a very high level. In fact, he just graduated at the top of his class!”
Hearing this, Ben dived back underwater to escape the eyes of the group listening to his mum. He always enjoyed the Christmas party at their friends place that they went to every year. Unfortunately, his mum seemed to have the need to brag about him this year, which he found embarrassing. He hated attention, and didn't know how to accept compliments, so he swam over to the opposite side of the pool and grabbed an inner tube to float in until his friends arrived.
A few minutes later a tidal wave rolled over him, tipping the tube over. Suddenly underwater, he swallowed before he could stop himself. Quickly he swam up and broke the surface coughing and choking. He managed to get himself to the side of pool, where he lifted himself out and waited for his breathing to steady.
“You could have killed me!” yelled Ben as he stood up, glaring at Ed, who was now lying on his back on the inner tube.
“Ha,” Ed sighed contentedly, relaxing. Then he was underwater.
The two fought, dunking each other, wrestling, being boys.
“Ed, Ben, come get some chips and coke!” shouted a voice from the deck.
Ed pushed Ben under one last time, pulled himself out of the pool and ran across the grass.

-----

The bell rang loudly. Boys and girls pushed through the doors of the classroom as they raced to get home.
As usual, Ben stood back, waiting for the way to clear, not wanting to be pushed around. Within minutes there was no one left. He grabbed his bag, walked back to his desk and opened it.
“What are you up to, Ben?” asked Mr. James, looking at him with raised eyebrows.
“Uh...I forgot my homework book.”
He frowned. “It's Friday. There is no homework.”
“Oh...yeah.” Ben started shutting his desk, but as his teacher turned away he quickly lifted it back up and shoved everything into his open bag. Closing his desk, he started towards the door.
“Ben?”
He turned slowly back. “Yes?”
“Your bag's open.”
“Oh,” he lowered his bag and zipped it up, then put it back on his shoulders and hurried out of the classroom.

Ben slipped through the gate, hidden by the bodies of those surrounding him moving in the same direction. He walked down the footpath weaving around other kids and parents, heading away from school, in the opposite direction of his home.
Suddenly, he realised that he had never walked in that direction. He didn't know where it went. For a moment his heart raced and he stopped. A man walking behind him bumped into him.
“Watch it, boy,” he said as he walked around him.
Ben stood still for a while, deciding what to do. Then, too scared to continue, he turned around and ran back down towards school. As he passed back through the gates he slowed, and without warning the words came back into his head, haunting him.
Run...disappear...no one wants you around...you will be much better off without them...run...hide...disappear...
He stopped again, torn. What should he do? The bus would be leaving soon. He had to make a decision before then. It had seemed so obvious earlier. Now he had no idea. Should he run away, or should he stay? If he stayed it would be the same as always, or possibly get worse, but would running away be any better? He didn't know how to survive by himself. He wouldn't last long. Making up his mind, he started towards the bus.
You want your parents to be happy, don't you?
Again, Ben stopped suddenly. His parents. Yes, he wanted them to be happy. They would be happier if he went. Nothing mattered more than his parents' happiness. He spun around and once more headed out through the school gates.

-----

Water went up his nose. Down his throat. He struggled for breath and gulped down more. He tried to swim up, to the surface, but he couldn't. His togs were caught on something. He tried to break free, but was unsuccessful. The more he fought, it seemed, the harder it got. There was nothing he could do.
He was going to die.

-----

“Ben!”
Ben stopped, again. With a confused look on his face, he turned around to see the girl from the bus running up behind him.
“Ben. Where are you going?” she asked, breathing heavily, when she caught up with him. “Aren't you coming on the bus today?”
He hesitated, then answered “No...”
“Oh. How are you getting home, then?”
“I'm not.” he replied without thinking.
“What do you mean? Where are you going then?”
He didn't answer.
“Ben?” she looked worried, and started looking around, as if searching for someone.
He realised suddenly that she was looking for someone to help her.
“Okay, I'll tell you,” he said so that she wouldn't get anyone else. “I'm running away.”
Shock crossed her face and he looked away, avoiding her eyes, while he told her why. Bit by bit, with careful prompting, she found out everything.
When he was finished, he looked at her. She looked like she was about to cry.
“Ben...it's all lies. None of it is true.”
“Yes it is.”
“No it isn't. Your parents love you. They would be devastated...sad...if you ran away. They wouldn't be happy. Neither would you.”
He stood silent.
“Don't go. Come back with me, stay here. Things will get better.”
“But I have no friends. Everyone hates me.”
“That isn't true,” tears brimmed in her eyes. “I'll be your friend.”
“You...you will?” his face was disbelieving. “No one wants to be friends with...someone like me.”
“I do.”
He looked into her eyes and realised she was telling the truth. She really did want to be his friend.
“Will you be my friend?” she asked him.
“Yes,” he answered quickly. Then added, “What's your name?”
“Lisa,” she answered with a smile on her face.
“Lisa. That's a nice name.”
“Thanks! Come on, let's go back. We've missed the bus now, though, so we'll go to the office so I can ring my mum and ask her to pick us up.”

-----

Then something else was tugging at him. Pulling him down. Something grabbed his ankle. It was a hand. Someone was holding on to his, trying to free him. Arms wrapped around his legs. Whoever it was worked at his togs to break them loose.
Then he was free. He was being pushed fast to the surface. He breathed in the welcome air and choked on the water in his mouth and throat. People lifted him out and lay him down on the side of the pool.
As he became stable again, he turned his head to the pool and looked at the worried girl at the edge, the one who had saved him.
“Thank you, Lisa.” he said quietly.

-----

Sitting in the back seat of Lisa's mum's car, a small smile began to tug at the corner of Ben's mouth.

-----

“Thank you for making the time to come in and see me.” Mr. James shook hands with Ben's parents, then motioned towards two seats set in front of his desk. “Please, take a seat.” He moved around to his seat and sat down facing them across the desk.
After shuffling through some papers on his desk, he set them down and clear his throat.
“I called you in here this afternoon to discuss some...issues...about Ben.”
“We have been over this--” started Ben's mum.
Mr. James interrupted. “I am not talking about his learning disabilities, though that situation is not looking very bright, either.”
When he received no response, he continued. “I have noticed that more and more recently he seems to...drift, so to speak.”
“Drift?”
“Day dream. He is continuously off in his own world, not paying any attention whatsoever to what is going on in the classroom. I am worried that this is slowing his learning even more than it already is.”
“It's not his fault that he's slow--”
“I know that, and I'm not saying it is. All I'm saying is that his constant daydreaming is not helping it.”
“How long has this been going on?” asked Ben's dad, hoping to change the direction of the conversation.
“Over the past couple of weeks, I would think. It wasn't so bad at first, but on Friday it reached a point where I simply could not leave it alone.”
“What do you want us to do?” asked Ben's mum, at a loss.
“If you could just talk to him...or a professional, or something. I'm not sure myself. All I know is that this can't go on. I can't help him at all when he doesn't pay attention. I can only do so much.”
“Well so can we!”
“You are his parents, the--”
“Don't you tell me how to raise my son. I have done incredibly well so far, as good as I can do with someone like him. Do not tell me what I can or can't do.”
She stood up and pushed her chair back, swinging her handbag over her shoulder.
“Please, I am not trying to tell you how to raise him. All I am asking is please, please, help me to help you and Ben.”
She took a deep breath and released it. “Okay. Sorry. I'll...do something. Talk to him.”
“Thank you. That's all I ask.”

-----

“So. What do ya want to do?”
“I dunno.”
“Come on, Ben, there must be something you want to do.”
He looked at Lisa. “You choose.”
“Um...we could play a game?”
“Okay! But...we don't have that many.”
Ben led Lisa to the cupboard where his mum kept all the games. “Pick one.”
After looking through them for a moment, Lisa pulled out Monopoly and together they set it up.
“Ben!” a voice called from the front door. A few moments later, it's owner appeared in the doorway to the kitchen.
“Heya, Ed.”
“What you two up to?”
“We're about to start playing Monopoly. Wanna play?”
“Yeah! But I'm warning you: I'm the master.”
“Ha,” said Lisa, “I bet I could beat you.”
“Welllll...” both Lisa and Ed turned towards Ben. “I could beat both of you put together!”
“You're on!”

-----

“We're home, Ben.” His mum said as she walked into the lounge. Ben was sitting on the floor playing Monopoly by himself. “What are you up to?
Ben was silent for a moment, hand in mid air as he was moving the car around the board. He blinked a few times. Then he sat back and looked at his mum. “I'm playing Monopoly.”
Mum looked worried, as she wondered why he took so long to respond. She noticed that there were two other pieces on the board, and money was spread all over the place. “Are you all right?”
“Yes.”
“Okay...” she replied, though she wasn't convinced.

-----

Lisa was sitting on a bench eating her lunch when Ben walked out of the corridor with his. “Ben, come over here!” she yelled across to him.
He looked over in her direction and, after scanning for and finding her, started walking in her direction.
“Hi,” he said as he sat down next to her.
“Hey,” she smiled, “What have you been doing today?”
Her smile brought one to his own face. “Nothing,” he took a bite of his sandwich. “Have you done anything?”
“Well, today's been boring so far. We had a test.”
“Oh.”
They sat in silence for a while, eating and enjoying the company of each other.
“Ben and Lisa...” taunted a groups of boys that had appeared behind them. “Sitting in a tree... K-I-S-S-I-N-G...”
Lisa stood up quickly and twirled around, anger replacing her smile. “Get. Lost.” she said loudly.
They laughed. “Looks like the retard has a girlfriend,” one of them said.
“I bet you boys could never get one,” Lisa defended, “I know I would never go out with you losers.”
“What makes you think anyone would want to go out with you?” one of them asked, smirking.
“Just go away. Now.”
“Oooh,” another replied in mock fear, “or else...?”
“I'll slap you,” she finished.
The boy laughed, “Whatever.” Without warning, Lisa slapped him. He recoiled. “Ow!”
“I did warn you.”
“Come on guys, let's go do something else,” the other guy said. Muttered agreements quickly followed and they shuffled away. Lisa watched them go, then sat down next to Ben again.
“Will they come back?” Ben asked.
“No, they'll leave us alone now.” she replied, though Ben didn't believe it.

Thud. The sound of Ben's body slamming against the back wall of the classroom made a reasonably loud noise.
The boy who seemed to be the leader of the group smirked. “Where's your girlfriend now?”
Ben whimpered.
“You're pathetic,” he sneered, “When you finally realise that that girl is pretending to like you maybe you will go back to your place. People like you will never have friends. You retard.”
“No,” Ben whispered, surprising the boy.
“Yes, actually,” the boy countered. He kicked him in the shins and they left quickly, leaving Ben alone and crying on the ground.

-----

Ben sat by himself on the bus, quietly staring out the window at the kids outside as they chatted happily with their friends. Lisa wasn't going on the bus today, so he would be alone on the trip home. He was used to that, though. His mind drifted off as he sat there waiting for the bus to leave.
Someone sat down next to him. “Hey.”
He turned around and saw Lisa. “I thought you weren't on the bus today.”
“I am now. Mum rang the school.”
“Cool,” Ben said, as a smile replaced the lonely expression he had.
The bus pulled away, and they talked for a while about school and other things. When they were about half way to Ben's house, a voice a couple of rows behind them yelled out, “Hey guys, the loser is talking to himself!” Laugher spread among the people on the bus, as some of them stood up and walked down to where Ben was sitting near the front of the bus.
“Talking to your imaginary friend?” asked an older kid.
Ben blinked, and after a couple of moments realised that there was no one sitting next to him. He felt his face going red.
Another kid laughed. “Where's your girlfriend? I don't think she would be happy if she knew you were cheating on her. Especially not with an imaginary friend.”
Not knowing what to do, Ben sat still and silent. He wanted to crawl into a hole a hide from the world, like he had wanted to so many other times. He wanted to...disappear. The dreams came flashing back to him, blocking out the harsh voices around him.
He felt a shove in his side. “Oi, get off. We want to go home you idiot.”
Looking out the window he noticed that the bus had stopped and was right outside his driveway. Quickly he grabbed his bag and pushed through a couple of boys to get to the door and out of the bus. He stumbled down the driveway, lost and confused, as he wondered what he had done wrong to deserve this life.

-----

Wandering around the school field by himself, Ben looked around trying to find Lisa. Eventually he spotted her and started moving in her direction. Then he noticed she was with a whole group of other girls. He stopped. Could he face a whole group of people? He felt comfortable with Lisa, but he had never met any of her friends. They were probably like everyone else.
“You are so gullible, freak.”
Ben turned to the side to see a girl, probably around his own age, watching him almost with amusement.
“She doesn't even like you. Everyone knows that,” she scoffed, “Except for you.”
“She does like me.”
A nasty grin appeared on her face. “That's what she wants you to think, moron. She's only pretending to be your friend.”
“Why?”
The girl rolled her eyes. “So she can make you look like an idiot when she tells the whole school about how she fooled you.”
“No.”
“Yes,” she insisted, then her expression changed as she noticed something. “See for yourself,” she pointed towards Lisa.
Ben looked around and felt sick. Lisa and her friends were looking in his direction and laughing. He didn't know if they were laughing at him or something else, but it felt like it was aimed at him. He looked around behind him and didn't see anything funny.
“I told you,” the girl said, shaking her head. She slapped him quite hard on the back and walked away with her head up high.
He wasn't entirely convinced that Lisa was laughing at him, but he was no longer sure of anything.

-----

Ben's mum walked down the hallway with a stack of folded washing, ready to be put away. As she passed Ben's room, she thought she heard voices. Confused, she paused outside his door on the way back.
“What?” she heard Ben ask. Thinking that he must be talking to her, she lifted her hand to the door and was about to push it open when she heard him again.
“I still don't understand.”
She was now thoroughly confused. Ben didn't have any friends over—and she certainly hadn't heard anyone else say anything. After another slightly longer pause, he laughed, and she couldn't wait any longer. Swinging the door open wide she walked into the room and stopped, looking down at Ben. “What are you doing, Ben?” she asked.
“What do you mean?” he asked in reply, a slightly confused look replacing his smile.
“You're talking to yourself.” she replied.
“No I'm not.”
“Then who are you talking to?”
“Uh, Lisa...” he stated, very confused.
But his mum was even more confused than him. “What do you mean you're talking to Lisa? She isn't even here.”
“Yes she is. She's sitting right next to me.” He lifted his hand up and rested it in mid-air next to him.
“Ben,” she was panicking now. “There is no one next to you.” She waved her arm all through the air next to Ben, including the area right around his hand. “See, nothing is there.”
Ben dropped his arm. His breathing increased dramatically. “But...but...she was right there...I saw her...we were talking...” his voice was shaking. “What happened? She's gone. I don't understand...”
His mum sat down next to him and rested her hand on his leg. Sweat appeared on his forehead and she felt it. It was hot. She quickly went and got a cold, wet, flannel, and lay Ben down on his back, placing the flannel on his forehead. A few tears had mixed with the sweat. She sat there with him, waiting, worrying, until he had finally calmed down and recovered enough to rest alone.

Things had become too extreme. Mr. James was right; Ben needed professional help. She picked up the phone and dialled a counsellor she had used once before in relation to Ben. They set up an appointment for later in the week. She just hoped Ben would last that long.

-----

“I'm not going on the bus today,” Lisa told Ben as the bell rang for the end of lunch.
“Why not?” he asked.
“I'm going to Kiley's house.”
“Okay. See you tomorrow then.”
“Bye,” she smiled and went to class.

After school, Ben was walking towards the bus when he passed behind Kiley and some other girls. Lisa wasn't with them.
“Look,” he heard one of the girls say. “There is no way that Lisa could possibly like him.”
He walked faster, to get away from them. It was true. Lisa didn't really like him, did she? Her friends didn't think so. He got on the bus and sat in his usual seat, his mind repeating what he had heard, over and over.

-----

Ben lay asleep, his mind still agitated over the single line he had overheard. The lies had become too much for him to determine fact from fiction. His mind was thoroughly confused and his imagination was building up fake memories, though he didn't realise it.

“Hey,” Lisa said as she joined the group.
“Lisa!” Kiley exclaimed as she hugged her. They smiled.
“So, Lisa, we were wondering,” began one of the other girls. “Do you really like that freak, Ben?”
Lisa scoffed. “No way,” she shuddered. “He's a looser.”
“He definitely fell for it..”
“I know—He's so gullible.”
“When are you going to tell him the truth.”
She shrugged. “I don't know yet.”
“He'll cry like a baby when you do.”
“Don't you feel even the slightest bit guilty about it?” asked Kiley.
“Not really,” Lisa replied. “It's fun. Besides, no one likes him anyway.”

-----

The next day, after school, Ben saw Lisa standing by herself over by the bike shed.
“Hey Ben,” she said when she saw him walking over to her.
“What are you doing over here,” he asked.
“I had to give something to someone before they left,” she replied. “How was your day?”
Ben was silent.
“Are you all right?” Lisa asked worriedly.
“No. Why did you lie to me?” he asked softly.
“What do you mean?” She looked confused.
“You know!” he yelled, angry. “You're not really my friend! You're just lying!”
“No I'm not! I am your friend, Ben,” she countered.
“I know you're lying. I heard you.”
“Heard what? I never said anything about you.”
“Yes you did, to Kiley and your other friends.”
“No I didn't, Ben! Honest!”
“You said I'm a looser and gullible. You said no one likes me.”
“I would never say that! It isn't true!”
“You did say that! Yesterday after school.”
“No, I really didn't. I don't know what you're talking about,” Lisa pleaded.
“DON'T. LIE.” Ben yelled loudly. He rammed himself into Lisa, pushing her backwards as hard as he could, letting out all the anger built up inside himself.
Lisa cried out as she stumbled backwards and fell to the ground, hitting her head hard on the edge of a concrete step. The collision forced her neck forwards and she lay there, unmoving. Ben started shaking as he realised what he had done. A teacher came ran over and knelt down next to her. She went pale and yelled out something. Kids started surrounding them. Another teacher pushed his way through and pulled out a cellphone. He talked quickly and then hung up. Ben panicked. What had he done?
Time passed in a blur. He simply stood there shaking until a teacher pulled him aside and sat him down. An ambulance came and doctors leaned over Lisa. A police officer talked to the first teacher. His parents arrived in a hustle. They tried to talk to him but he wouldn't say anything. He couldn't. Ben saw and heard it all but his mind was blank. He could hear the voices around him but didn't know what they were saying. His mind was in overload, he couldn't process anything any more. His head spun. Then his eyes closed and he shut down completely.

-----

One week later...

The music died down. A man stood up and walked to the front of the church. He stepped behind the pulpit and began to talk. “For those of you who do not know me, I play many different roles in life. I am a son, a husband, a father, a colleague and a friend. But today I am here primarily as a father. Lisa's father.”
Ben sat in the back row, next to the aisle, with his mum sitting next to him. The past week had been terrible. He had not slept more than an hour at a time without waking up from nightmares. The police had been to his house at least twice to talk to him about what had happened. Ben and several other students who had been there when it happened were given the day off school the next day—Ben wasn't going back. His parents had pulled him out school, and they may be moving to a different city. They needed a fresh start somewhere else.
“Lisa was a beautiful person in every way. She loved and cared about everyone, even those who no one else would. She was taken from us much too soon,” he paused as he swallowed. He glanced briefly down the back, directly at Ben. Sorrow and regret was deep in his eyes, but there was also compassion in them. He continued on, but Ben tuned out.
His heart was broken, shattered, into a million pieces. It seemed impossible that his heart would ever be whole again; nor would his mind. For years he had been teased, tormented and bullied for something that was beyond his control. He had tried to escape by building his own, perfect world, but the lies had dug too deep. Now, his only true friend was gone. Because of him.
Tears brimmed in his eyes. He had killed his friend. It was unintentional, it was a freak coincidence that she landed in that position. But the fact remained that she was now dead. He had killed her. What's more, she hadn't even done anything wrong. She had done nothing but love him, and he returned it by believing the lies. It was all lies. She could never be so cruel.
A tear escaped one eye, and slowly ran down his cheek. Another came from the other eye. Soon the tears flowed and he couldn't contain himself. He sobbed quietly as his mum wrapped her arms around him, trying to be of some comfort. But nothing could truly comfort him when he sat there amongst a crowd of people gathered because of his friend Lisa, whose life he had taken.
There was now a video playing on the screen at the front of the church. It was a collection of photos from Lisa's short life, from her birth to the week before her death. Ben wanted to watch, to see his friend one last time, but he couldn't. Just looking in her eyes filled him with guilt and regret. He couldn't handle much more.
He stood up and ran out the doors into the foyer, then across and out through the wide doors to the outside. He ran down the steps, across the car park and onto the field behind the church. But no amount of running could separate him from himself, he knew, and he collapsed onto the ground and wailed. He cried for himself, the life he had been dealt, and the sheer unfairness of life. Most of all, though, he cried for Lisa. The one brave enough to stand against the world and fight for the innocent. The one who showed love and care to everyone. The one who had befriended him when no one else would.
He would miss her greatly.
“Goodbye, Lisa,” he whispered.