Trust and Betrayal

Cold.

My room isn't too cold. In fact it is somewhat warm.

But it's cold.

I'm cold.


Dark.

My room isn't dark. The light is on and I can see everything.

But it's dark.

My world is dark.


It's been a good night so far. I've done a bit of work, watched some TV and played some highly addictive games on Bored.com. I was considering doing a bit more work, then playing a quick game or two (or ten or twelve) of 30 Seconds, and then shutting down the computer and reading for a bit.

Suddenly I don't feel like doing any of that. I don't want to work. I don't want to play games. I don't want to read. I could go to bed, but what do you know, I don't want to do that, either. I don't want to do anything.

So I'm writing. I'm writing because that is how I let things out. That is how I get over things and generally get life going again. Otherwise I would just end up sitting here all night, which, funnily enough, I don't really want to do.


Friendship: The state of being a friend.
Friend: A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.

Knows is fairly straight forward, as is likes.

But what about trust? According to these definitions, friendship cannot exist without trust. In fact it is the foundation of friendship. If it weren't for trust, then we would never be at ease, ever, with anyone at all, in any situation. We could never truly rely on anyone. Walls of suspicion would be standing ten feet tall between everyone, blocking any serious relationship. Life would be totally different, for the worse. When it comes down to it, everything comes back to trust.

And trust is easily broken. The reparation, however, is not so easy. From experience, once lost, trust can take a very long time to be built back up. In many cases, it is never fully restored. Scars could remain forever.

This issue, obviously, is quite heavy on my mind right now. Even as my eyes are begging me to let them close, I simply cannot move away until I have said what needs to be said. If I do not, then I won't be able to sleep. And if I do not, then my message may get out there too late for someone who is in on the fence right now, debating whether or not to do something.

I want to impress upon you something right now. That is this: Friendship is hard to find, but easy to lose. Once lost, it is almost never restored, and if it is restored, it will never quite be the same again. Betrayal cuts too deep.

Trust is valuable. It is something that is given reluctantly and should never be taken lightly. You usually only get one chance, too, with any one person. Once it is gone it is almost never seen again, so we should be careful with it. In order to gain and keep close friendships you must prove yourself to be trustworthy, and remain so forever.

It is something I have struggled with throughout my life. I have lost friends simply because I could no longer trust them, and I have betrayed others' trust many times, even if unintentionally. In some of these cases the lost trust has been restored, though even then I'm still uncertain as to whether it fully exists. I wouldn't be surprised if it didn't; I don't deserve their trust.

That was several years ago, most of that. Since then I like to believe I am a more trustworthy person. Some of my friends have said I am the only one they can trust. This reputation wasn't built over night. I worked hard at it for many years. I have to intentionally maintain it all the time. I'm not saying I've nailed it. I'm not saying I'm perfect--I'm far from. The point is that my friendships have become stronger and people open up to me due to the fact that they know they can trust me. It's not easy, don't get me wrong. But it's worth it.

Tonight I resolve to work even harder at building trust into my friendships. To try and restore ones that are rocky at present, and to simply be a friend. By being a friend, being there for my friends, listening to them when they need to talk, helping them on the right track and giving a hand where need be, I hope to achieve this. It is something that right now I want more than anything: Friendship. Trust. For people to want my friendship, and to know that they can trust me.

Let me end with this: Whether you are the one who has broken trust, been betrayed, or both, this applies to you. I beg you to consider what I have written.

What can you do to improve/restore trust in your relationships? How can you become a more trustworthy person? Who in your life can you truly trust when you need a helping hand?

Think about it. Talk about it. Pray about it.

Thanks.